Cry from the heart….sadly

      Sometimes you want to take yourself by the scruff and shake well, “Gather up the rag!” I have the impression that I do not live …. I sleep. And I need, I need to wake up! I need to move! I need to do something! And I’m just going with the flow of the river, not moving. Where, why, for whom, for what? I do not know myself. I’m tired of it all, live without moving. I want bright colors and emotions. Let it will  even be unbearably painful, but I need to feel alive. WAKE UP ALREADY! Do something!                                                                                  What do I want? I know that, but I do not understand how to achieve this. It’s just unreal. This is a fantasy! And I have to leave my dreams. But they help me, help somehow to keep afloat. I want to love someone but can not. He does not know me, and never unrecognized. . But I wish him to be happy.I really wish him happiness. Not even with me. And let’s not me, and the other will make him happy (Oh, how I wish I would self do this)) I wish him go his own way, to succeed, to find love and be happy. Maybe it will make me happy? I do not know, not sure. But my feelings are sincere.I support him in everything! This will help him to be happy! Maybe knowing that I can give him a little happiness will make me happy? Not sure, I do not know. But  choice but to give him my love, support, and a piece of happiness I have not. He so far away … And I want so much that he was here, take the hand, a hug, pat bangs and kiss on the nose. I want to love him and be loved by him. But it’s  unreally … Well, my angel, I wish you happiness! And I’ll be strong. And I will love you so much as I have the strength. As much as I can. I believe in you. Just be!


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